Everything that I never had to tell are posted on this blog.
I'm Kristoffer Arboleda, Jesus Christ is my virtue. my personality is INTJ.
also, i have problems about focusing..malikot kasi isip ko..

 

Soon

I don’t want a girlfriend, I’m looking for a wife.

it’s a shame and a lame not to be a stereotype perfect man. 

But I rest assured that when I love, I DO.

Hanging out with guys. Food is always there…

Sometimes every people needs to be alone and lonely. To have self-reflect, to think, to heal and to long for love.

Sometimes every people needs to be alone and lonely. To have self-reflect, to think, to heal and to long for love.

Cold house

Money, food, and strong house, that’s not a problem.
Time, unity, understanding, joy, and maybe love, those are missing pieces…

But maybe, im the only one who’s building walls away from my family. It feels that the problem exist.

Good times with my kumare.
Good experience at cafe dominic quezon ave.

Good times with my kumare.
Good experience at cafe dominic quezon ave.

First time ko sumakay sa wheelchair! Achievment! Haha (at National Orthopedic Hospital - School For Crippled Children (NOH-SCC))

First time ko sumakay sa wheelchair! Achievment! Haha (at National Orthopedic Hospital - School For Crippled Children (NOH-SCC))

Mga dapat sanay blog posts ko na hindi ko pa nauupload…

Mga dapat sanay blog posts ko na hindi ko pa nauupload…

Nakakahiya kay Lord…

May kayamanan ba sa loob ng simbahan?..(wala no!)
meron kaso hindi kayang nakawin; pwede lang sigurong mawala o kaya masira pero imposibleng manakaw.

Hindi ginto o ano mang mamahaling bagay kung’di ang pagmamahal na namamagitan sa pa Panginoon at sa atin kapag taimtim tayong nagdarasal sakanya.

Hindi naman sa nag-dra-drama ako(pero oo nagdra-drama talaga ako at gusto ko to) pero hiyang-hiya nako sa Panginoon(not a vice ganda line)…

nakakahiya talagang makipag usap sakanya, kasi alam kong  namumuro nako, nawawalan nako ng mukang maihaharap sa Panginoon dahil sa lahat ng katarantaduhan; kalandian at kalapastanganan(KKK) kong ginagawa..

madali lang magpaka-walang hiya, sayo na mismo lumalapit yung kasalanan, kakagatin mo nalang.

Nakaka humaling talaga, isipin mo: magpapakasasa ka lang sa bagay na masarap gawin at wala kang pakialam kung tama o mali yoon.

"meron bang Diyos?"
"Sigurado ka bang may Diyos?"
"siya ba talaga ang Tunay na Diyos?"

yan ang mga linya ng ilang tao na minsan nang itinanong sa akin,
itinanong ko narin yan sa sarili ko noon habang nakatingala sa mga bituwin sa langit(drama diba?), ang senti pa ng mood ko that time..

pagkatapos ng mga panahon  na pinagninilayan ko ang bagay na yon, nakilala ko din ang Panginoon. Hindi kami nag meet and greet sabay lunch sa Cafe (duh!) pero pinaramdam niya sakin na siya ang Panginoon at mahal niya ako. 

kaya kahit sino pang tumakwil sakin ay bali wala lang dahil alam kong nagbigay ako ng kasunduan sa Panginoon na siya ang  magiging lahat sa akin.

kaya naman sobra sobrang kahihiyan ang inaabot ko sa mga pinag gagagawa ko. ang bigat sa loob. hindi kaya. nakakapag-alala din kung saan ako pupulutin nito, baka isang araw, hindi na siya makinig ng tuluyan sakin at itakwil narin ako…

"Lord, bakit po ba gustong gusto kong makipag relasyon sa mga taong hindi pwede? bakit po ganito ang puso ko? bakit po sobra ang pagkahumaling ko sa bisyo at kalaswaan? pati po ugali ko nakakabanas?"


Pangarap kong maging dakila pero napakatarantado ko…


7/29/13
 3:00am

I back slide.

Six months. 

six months na wala ako sa church, ang hirap. There were times that i try to pray and seek god but, i did not find..

the first two months of avoiding people involving the church, I was reading the book of Exodus from the Bible… there’s a verse that God saying to Mosses: “Mosses! Get down in Egypt land, and let my people go!”

there is actually a song that used that verse as a lyrics..Luis armstrong, Go Down Moses

in those quite time, I was continuously listening to that song, I honestly feel that I am Mosses, and God is sending me somewhere for purpose.

But where I am now(?) I lost everything… Holiness Crushed, Purity wreaked, Integrity, waved…

I lost everything I gained spiritually when I was still on the Church. Here it is, Emptiness. Brokenness. Lost….

And it makes me think I wasn’t mosses that book is saying.. I actually am the pharaoh, the pharaoh who’s heart is being hard…
hard for things that my spirit dies… I need mosses, someone, someone to be a mosses in my life, someone would be use by God to penetrate the walls I made, to decay the hardened heart of mine…

How long.. How far. How worst..

Amen

you know why do I don’t like to go to church on Sunday’s(?)

Because I know I wont listen, I know i’m not going to absorb the preaching, Yes, I became cold and my mind shunted close.

You know why do I hate Rafael as a cell leader but not as a friend?
Because at first, he made me feel Important to him although he’s just another person to me. but later on, the table turned.

I don’t see myself as anybody else, I see myself as someone. So I feel bad, really bad about looking odd and seem insignificant.

I believe. I can Prove It.

-1:49 am 7/25/13

Bye friend

Ilang kaybigan pa ba ang bibiguin ako (?).
Kakayanin ko pa bang magtiwala at gumawa ng kaybigan(?).

Hindi ko alam kung tutuluyan ko nabang puputulin ang ugnayan ko sa mga taong yon dahil hindi ko matamggap ang ginawa nila sakin.


Oo responsibilidad kong ipaalam sakanila lahat ng bagay na hindi ko gusto na ginagawa nila, at lahat ng maling ugali nila sakin.


Pero deserving ba sila para pahalagahan ko(?) Pakiramdam ko rin naman`y hindi nila ako binibigyang halaga.
Nag umpisa sa pagiging masyadong kumportable hanggang sa mawalan na ng respeto.

Kaya mahirap nang magtiwala sa tao, pero mas malakas parin talaga ang damdamin natin.

Sa umpisa`y nag titiis tayo alangalang sa pinagsamahan,
Hanggang sa paulit ulit nang nangyayari`t wala na tayong maramdaman, kinain na ang pagmamahal mo ng sama ng loob.

Malungkot mawalan ng kaybigan kahit isa lang yan, lalo na`t nagka talo kayo dahil sa hindi pagkaka unawaan.